What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize