I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
