I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
