I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
