I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
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