She is in my trunk
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize