dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
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