How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
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