i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
