so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
