new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
