I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Randomize
