I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
