I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
