Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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