I got chris browned last night
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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