apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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