i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
