This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize