some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
