I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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