Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
