so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
