We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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