I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
