Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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