he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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