Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
