it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
