i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
