dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Randomize
