Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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