Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
The police scanner is talking about you again....
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
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