you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
