..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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