Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
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