I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize