She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
