I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
