Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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