I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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