as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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