sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
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