I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
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