Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize