My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
