need another drink. this is the easiest way
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Randomize
