I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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