Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
