Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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