Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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