I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Randomize
