She just used a chaser for red wine.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
