I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
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