Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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