i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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