I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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