The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
