she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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