some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
